How to Let Go of Your Emotional Baggage

Emotional baggage haunts us daily and nightly. It’s a memory that is hard to get away from our heads. We bring emotional baggage to the next relationships, making the life of the person who loves us unbearable. Are you tired of wearing a heavy burden on your shoulders? Do you want to get rid of difficult memories and let go of the past? Here is how you can do it.

How Do We Create Emotional Baggage? 

We don’t usually realize which events in our lives will turn into a heavily traumatizing memory. But when it happens, it is extremely hard to let go of these thoughts. These can be insecurities, trust issues, jealousy, and fear. Whenever we come across similar events, they trigger something in us. We feel anxiety and stress that is hard to conceal. 

Why is it Essential To Face Our Fears?

Most people think that avoiding a traumatizing situation will solve their problem. They just stay in their comfort zone, hoping that the next partner won’t hurt them in the same way. But these attempts are usually doomed to lead you to more anxiety, stress, and sleep deprivation. It is essential to face your fears and to get rid of a heavy burden once and for all. Acceptance is the key to success. 

Before addressing the situation, I must mention, that things will be a bit painful before they disappear. You need to take a leap of faith into a traumatic past and stop avoiding it. 

Step 1: Identify your demons

Try to sit down and describe a traumatic situation as detailed as possible. Yes, it might be uncomfortable to go into the deepest corners of your conscience, but it needs to be done. Remember the situation that brought you the most pain. Even if you find it embarrassing, devastating or outraging, let yourself feel these emotions. For example, your partner cheated on you several times, or someone betrayed you severely. Don’t avoid any details because you need to understand which one of them was the most painful. Sit down and experience this spectrum of different emotions. Cry if you want to, scream if the wound is still fresh. It is the start of your healing process.

Step 2: Identify your emotions

Once you’ve taken these traumatic experiences out of the shelf of your memories, try to be a little more specific about your feelings. Write down every thought that crosses your mind. Do you feel sad, scared, or angry? Let yourself feel these emotions without shame or self-blaming. Since no one can see this process or read your notes, be very specific about the thought that crosses your mind, even if you find them scary. You are doing a mental decluttering. 

Step 3: Identify the cause 

This exercise will help you get to the root of a problem. Take each emotion you felt and write down a list of questions concerning this emotion. For example, “Why did I feel sad when X broke up with me? Because I felt lonely. Why did I feel lonely? Because I need someone to support me emotionally all the time. Why does anyone need to support me emotionally? Because I feel insecure on my own. Why do I feel insecure on my own? Because someone made me feel worthless. Who made me feel worthless? My parents/ex/friends/boss. Continue that list until you get to a real question that concerns you. You will be surprised how much the original cause differs from your current problem. After this, resolve the problem that caused your emotional baggage in the first place. If you can’t do it yourself, visit a therapist and show them this list. This will facilitate the process of your healing immensely. 

Step 4: Give yourself permission to heal 

Let yourself be happy. Admit that you will take as much time as needed. Nobody can rush you. Thank yourself for realizing the problem. Don’t text single ladies if you are not ready for a next relationship. Admit that all of your problems stayed in the past and you are refusing to take them into the future. 

Step 5: Let go of your emotional baggage

While events can’t be controlled, we can always control our reactions. Emotions don’t mean anything if we choose not to feel them. Understand that all negativity is a construct of your brain and imagination. You control them. Only you choose if you want to repeat this experience. You are superior to every emotion. Decide not to feel harmed and let yourself be happy.