Each person is attractive in his own way. But we fall in love not with the pretty face or curly hear, it is inner charisma and interesting characters that conquer our heart. After all, the most valuable thing for family relationships is the mind, and values of the person, especially the extent to which they correspond with yours.
As recent trends show, people tend to think less about the moral side of relationships as the basis for a strong and prosperous family. They enjoy quick meetings and treat the seek of love as the mechanical swiping or liking in dating apps. But when they change the tenth single ladies dating website in a row and still nothing comes out of this, they start to look for the reason in themselves.
- Why I cannot maintain healthy relationships?
When a relationship does not work out, it always has clear reasons, no need to blame the fate or magic for your fails. Likewise, referring to the “unidentified soul mate” looks unconvincing in a city with tens of millions of people. There are quite clear reasons why your personal life (or its absence) repeats the same patterns. Some of the reasons why relationships constantly do not work out:
You value your partner too much, idealize him
You dissolve in your companion, sacrifice yourself. As a result, a partner quickly loses interest in you.
You underestimate yourself
You dictate the wrong approach to you from the very beginning, draw the wrong scenario of the relationship with your thoughts and phrases: “I am ugly”, “I feel lonely when we are not together”, you are the meaning of my life”. With such tough affirmations of negativity, you will always remain in the shadow of your beloved and not be happy.
Perhaps you behave too restrained, do not allow the other one into your inner world. Your partner may think you are indifferent to him or do not want to open for some reason when in fact you just need time.
Unconsciously copying your parents’ behavior
And this is a vicious circle because they may have learned their patterns from their parent. Manipulations, quarrels, lack of communication and psychological support may have happened in your family but you can break this chain.
You fall in love with those who do not pay attention to you
If you pathologically start building relationships with people who show little interest to you and have to fight for their attention, this is a sign of another childhood trauma. Do not stick to those who do not notice your amazingness. We surround those who insult our feelings with care and affection to show that we love them as they really are, without a mask. In fact, it is time for a tough truth, if someone mistreats you, you should never tolerate this.
Another reason why you may sabotage your relationships is that you are a manipulator and do not notice this destructive behavior in yourself. In fact, if your low self-esteem forces you to offend people, the reason is in you and in them each time.
- What can I do to fix this?
First, you need to realize the idea that the scenario of relations can (and must!) be changed, rewritten in a way that will bring joy and satisfaction from life.
Next, you need to analyze your own model of behavior with on the example of those relationships that already existed, look for similarities, patterns (most likely, this is your mistakes). Then it will be necessary to build a new behavioral model (for a start, at least virtually: think about how to act differently, etc.). Positive examples of friends who have good relations with husbands can help you with this.